According to Woody Johnson’s report, the New York Jets are not a real football team

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The Jets are not a real NFL team.

I don’t mean that in the sense that the Jets are just so incompetent that they don’t compare to a legitimate NFL team. Obviously that’s true. But that’s not what I’m saying here, winner.

What I’m trying to say is that the New York Jets are in no way a real football team.

I refuse to believe this any longer. I’m not going to keep falling for this trick everyone’s playing on us, and neither should you. There must be something else going on in the background that keeps these doors open every day. How else can you rationally explain what is happening around this team?

The “Team” — if we still call it that — operates more like an ABC workplace comedy sitcom than a real football team. Every day a rotating cast of characters arrive with new pranks.

It’s usually Aaron Rodgers who steps on a rake and hits himself in the face with the handle. But not today! Today it is Woody Johnson, the 77-year-old owner, who is only open to the whims of his teenagers, Brick and Jack, when it comes to managing his team.

That’s the supposed explanation for why Johnson scuttled a trade for Jerry Jeudy. His teenage sons didn’t like his Madden rating, according to a report from The athlete.

ITS CRAZY RATING, y’all. Woody Johnson doesn’t even know what Madden is, man.

I need someone to explain to me like I’m 5 years old that the Jets aren’t just a front for something. Has anyone taken a look inside the Jets front office lately? Are we sure it exists? What do they sell there? My guess is jailbroken Firesticks and NFL League Pass. That’s how serious this operation is.

The good news for Jets fans — if they actually exist — is that Johnson will likely soon unravel as he advocates for the first president-elect to ever become a convicted felon.

The bad news is that Aaron Rodgers is inevitable. Excuse me.

Jeremiah Fears is not afraid

Mandatory attribution: Jim Dedmon-Imagn Images

Excuse me. For the last 12 hours I’ve been dying to write this headline. You’ve probably seen 16 different variations of this online, but whatever. It’s perfect. And it’s true.

Oklahoma’s Jeremiah Fears’ game-winning shot against Michigan on Wednesday night is legendary.

The Sooners need 3 points to tie the game and send it to overtime. Fears have done them exactly one point better. He hit the three-pointer and got the foul.

Oklahoma is undefeated at 11-0 and looks to be one of the best teams in the country. It’s extremely impressive that Fears is the leader of this team as a freshman considering he reclassified for Oklahoma this year.

He should plan prom proposals and prepare for graduation. Instead, he’s betting big and preparing to cash in next summer’s NBA draft.

The value of an NBA team

Mandatory attribution: Stephen Lew-Imagn Images

Mat Ishbia and the Phoenix Suns have decided to sell concessions for $2 at the Phoenix Suns arena, which makes perfect sense and is exactly how it should be.

It was always ridiculous that people paid more for bags of chips that were half full of air and bottles of water that somehow still made you thirsty.

When you consider how much these teams are worth, these prices are even more absurd. Sportico has released its annual NBA ratings data and the numbers are staggering.

A few numbers for you:

• NBA teams have a combined value of $138 billion.
• The average NBA team is worth around $4.6 billion.
• The Warriors were the most valued team at $9.14 billion. The Grizzlies were the lowest at $3.06 billion.

Here you see what I mean. The cheapest The league’s team is worth billions of dollars. You and I could pool our resources with a few thousand other people like us, and we probably still wouldn’t be able to buy a fraction of that team.

I will never buy a bag of chips at an arena again.

Quick hits: Doug Gottlieb, the idiot… Diego Pavia is back… and more

– Doug Gottlieb really went all out here. Meg Hall has more on his hilarious mistake.

— Diego Pavia returns to Vandy. Watch out, Hugh Freeze. Christian D’Andrea has more here.

– Here are our immediate picks for Week 16 in the NFL. There are some good games on the program this weekend.

— I love a fake punt pass, but this one is awesome. Cory Woodroof has more.

– Josh Allen is head over heels, y’all. I love it. Robert Zeglinski has more.

– Mike Penix Jr. did the weirdest thing when he received the news that he was the Falcons’ starting QB.

That’s it, folks. Thank you for reading. I wish you a nice Thursday. Peace.

-Sykes ✌️