At the Pop-Tarts Bowl, football is more about fun than serious business

ORLANDO – Football is big business.

And not just any business. They are very different businesses. It is of course a sports store. But it’s also about the hospitality business, the travel business, the media business, the fundraising business and, well, you get the idea. The reach and dollars are extensive.

However, one thing stands out from the rest.

It’s a serious matter.

It’s regulated, it’s organized, it’s objective. It’s about turning boys into men and building character and integrity and all those weighty, solemn, strict things that football coaches obsess about.

There may be no crying in baseball, but for the most part there is little humor in football.

That’s why it was so lovely to see Miami coach Mario Cristobal and Iowa State coach Matt Campbell pose for a very serious photo with a trophy that’s actually a toaster on Friday.

Although the Pop-Tarts Bowl is a very serious subject, it is all fun and games.

And as serious as the business of football is, it’s also worth noting that it’s a big business because it’s the entertainment business.

That makes the Pop-Tarts Bowl a breath of fresh air for a sport that has now rivaled golf and baseball in its rigidity. Despite the violence and controlled chaos that are its hallmarks, football – or at least the way it is presented and discussed by so many in and around the sport – has become a social issue. Buttoned up. No personality and full of jargon.

Questioning the trainers about their favorite Pop-Tarts is itself a form of torture for these serious men doing serious business. However, I now kind of understand why the stocks and the pillory were a form of public entertainment a few centuries ago.

Now we have a person in a Pop-Tarts costume being lowered into a giant toaster and coming out the other side as a giant, edible Pop-Tart like the one unveiled at the Bowl Championship celebration last year.

I’m reminded of the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the cult leader tries to kill Indy in the most, um, heartless way. So it’s just like that, only with less human sacrifice and more hilarity.

It’s absurd. Outrageous. Even a little crazy.

Most importantly, it’s exactly what bowl season needs.

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Because until we enact comprehensive reforms to college football’s structure and calendar, bowl games outside of the College Football Playoff will continue to be relegated to sideshows, side events and exhibitions.

What if you have an edible mascot and a toaster trophy hugging Pop-Tarts bowl.

So what if this game doesn’t determine a national champion? Who cares if this game doesn’t make it into the pantheon of college football classics?

It will still put on a show, and it will last a lot longer than the 60 minutes of football between the Hurricanes and Cyclones.

Football may be the only attraction for the CFP, but for these other bowls, even though football is the main attraction, there must be additional draws.

Otherwise, who cares?

At the moment it is not clear who is doing this.

Oklahoma barely has 50 scholarship players for the Armed Forces Bowl.

Marshall withdrew from the Independence Bowl. And for clarity, this is Marshall, the school and football program, not just the name of a man who withdrew from an entire damn bowl game because they didn’t think they had enough players to compete.

Penn State’s backup quarterback has entered the portal and left the team as the Nittany Lions attempt to win a national championship.

It’s the transfer portal’s fault, of course, but it’s not the players’ fault that the NCAA set the calendar this way and forced players into these situations and decisions.

And it’s not like coaches haven’t been “opting out” of bowl games for years to take other jobs.

The whole thing is distorted, and so it makes sense that a distorted version of a bowl game — one that emphasizes marketing, silliness and ridiculousness — has become the darling of bowl season.

Embracing madness is both a great life philosophy and a bowl marketing strategy.

What makes Saturday’s game so much more interesting this year is that it actually offers the best of both worlds.

Neither Miami nor Iowa State experienced a flood of transfer portals nor did their high-profile players sign off. Hurricanes quarterback and Heisman Trophy finalist Cam Ward has announced he will play, which is a real surprise given today’s situation.

“Can you imagine ever telling your own son that you can start this but not finish that?” Cristobal said Friday. “I don’t think anyone in this room would agree to a policy like that.”

It’s worth noting that Cristobal didn’t coach Oregon in the 2021 Alamo Bowl as he left the Ducks for Miami between the regular season and the bowl game, but the man still makes a point. Finish what you started unless there is a better option elsewhere.

Wait, I think I messed this up, but you get the point.

I imagine college football will adopt a better system at some point. One in which the players are employees and are contractually obligated to play in a bowl game — and get paid for it. One where the transfer portal and the opportunities it creates do not conflict with actual football teams and games.

But today is not that day. So until then, let’s have some fun, shall we?

Iowa State columnist Travis Hines has covered the Cyclones for the Des Moines Register and Ames Tribune since 2012. Contact him at [email protected] or (515) 284-8000. FFollow him on X at @TravisHines21.

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