Festivus, the “Seinfeld” holiday focused on airing grievances, is for everyone

For those who find it difficult to find a festive mood, there is an alternative to cheerfully decorating the halls. There is a way to celebrate a holiday while maintaining a healthy dose of grumpiness.

Exactly – there is Festivus.

December 23rd is Festivus, a day reserved throughout history for anyone who feels like the normal holiday traditions aren’t quite what they want.

Festivus is a special holiday reserved for those more inclined to embrace their inner “Bah, humbug!” as their Christmas spirit. It’s safe to assume that more of us are in this camp than ever before, and the antidote, or at least an outlet that could prove cathartic, is Festivus.

Festivus is reminiscent of sitcoms from years gone by. The bizarre holiday was born on December 18, 1997 on the TV show “Seinfeld” when George Costanza, played by Jason Alexander, revealed that his father (played by the late Jerry Stiller) had created the day to celebrate the religious and commercial Aspects to contrast the traditional December holidays.

Jerry Seinfeld, the protagonist of his eponymous show that ran on NBC from July 5, 1989 to May 14, 1998 for nine seasons and 180 episodes, is interested in the holiday and its special rituals.

And if we’re getting technical, Festivus’ roots may date back to 1966, when “Seinfeld” writer Dan O’Keefe, who introduced Festivus to the plot, first heard his father dream up the holiday.

“Festivus for the rest of us!” is the slogan that spread like wildfire after the episode.

The holiday is complemented by a number of traditions appropriate to the fallout from the pandemic, including a drab pole instead of a brightly lit tree. Perhaps most poignantly, the Festivus tradition also calls for a special ceremony known as “voicing grievances,” where you can tell the people in your life how much they have disappointed you. I’m sure if “Seinfeld” were still producing new episodes it would expand the Festivus parameters so you can complain about the last few years and everything else going upside down in your life.

I, for one, will gladly gather around a worn, salvaged pole and complain like hell. It makes me feel better just thinking about all the complaining, about the year ending in a flurry of verbal arguments, all in the name of Festivus!

And then I hope that I feel better and I’m grateful that my family is well. I know that voicing my complaints can be cathartic, but too much complaining, like too much of anything, may not be so good for me.

When it comes to celebrating Festivus, “the trick to doing so in an emotionally healthy way is to distinguish between two types of grievances—those we can’t do anything about and those we’d actually like to resolve said Guy Winch, a New York-based clinical psychologist who has a following via email as Dear Guy on TED and as co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast.

If you find yourself complaining about things that are out of your control, like not being able to see your loved ones or not being able to catch the latest movie or last dinner, then by all means “stand up to that bar and vent.” said Winch.

But if you have some control over the complaint, yelling at a ragged post while others listen may not be the solution. Instead, choose to address the complaint directly with them, or “scream into the abyss, but don’t create tension and arguments that could ruin what would otherwise be a lovely (tongue in cheek) celebration of pettiness, misery, crying.” and victimhood would be,” Winch said.

According to Tina Gilbertson, a Denver-based psychotherapist and author of “Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them,” just complaining isn’t a helpful strategy.

“When it comes to feeling better, voicing your discomfort is only half the battle,” Gilbertson said. “Make sure someone validates the emotions behind every complaint, or do it yourself. … Every complaint needs a compassionate witness to bring about healing.”

For those who really want to get down to the letter of the Festivus law: the poles and the discomfort are followed by trying to pin down literally everyone around you. It could be cathartic to wrestle with your roommates and release some of that extra tension, as long as no one gets hurt.

Go ahead, extend your pole and voice your complaints. Maybe leave a little room for positivity if you can, because even George Costanza’s father smiled every now and then.