Matthew McConaughey’s viral tuna salad is more than just “okay”

McConaughey graduated from the University of Texas shortly before me, and I spent some time with the theater and communications kids. Is it possible that I heard him screaming, “Okay, okay, okay!” while sitting on the quad on a sunny afternoon or handing him a Solo cup at a party? Probably not, but I do would I’ll bet we once unwittingly used the telephone sign-up exchange to win last place in “Introduction to Psychology.”

What seems more meaningful in this context, however, is our shared Irish roots and our Texas upbringing, which stretches from the southwest to the northeast of the state. We probably grew up with many of the same culinary influences—tender guajillo honey, enchiladas swimming in chili sauce, chicken-fried steak at Luby’s Cafeteria, dripping red popsicles in the light of a heat mirage, and, yes, chilled tuna salad when it was too hot to turn on the oven.

This isn’t my grandmother’s tuna salad, though. The wasabi alone would have driven her to hysteria.

Since there is no written recipe, I have to make a few guesses about the details. I bet McConaughey, like the rest of us, grew up eating light chunks in water, a healthy choice if perhaps a little lacking in texture, but surely he’s buying the good stuff now? Let’s say it’s a 21st century McConaughey tuna salad, casually aged. I go with a great mediocre pack of olive oil, but if you want to spend a few extra bucks to make it extra special, my nutritionist’s pick is Scout for flavor, dolphin-friendliness, and…sustainability. You can also eat lower on the food chain if you’re worried about contamination and substitute canned tuna for sardines in any recipe. Are you feeling worried? I find Mediterranean sardines to be less frighteningly fishy and Bela is one of my favorite brands that are more affordable but high quality.

I stroll the aisles of Texas food giant HEB and select the rest of my raw materials. Given the task of accurately representing our shared influences, I suddenly feel that the selection of each component is of utmost importance, and I wonder at the karmic impact of my search. Have I ever stood in line behind McConaughey at HEB on East 41st, he with a frozen pizza and two pints of butter pecan, me with reduced-fat biscuits and an eggplant? The truth is lost to history.

The Apple? Certainly Granny Smith. The cucumbers? He says “dill pickles,” but are they dill comma pickles like in both, or pickles that are dill instead of sweet? Based on context clues, I call it the latter. The wasabi? Unfortunately, most of what you get in the US is actually fake wasabi, made from ground European horseradish and some kind of dye, rather than real Japanese horseradish, which is expensive and only temporarily spicy. Mine is fake, but usable enough.

A special note about the ingredients: The crispy jalapeños he’s referring to are, in my opinion, a sort of jalapeño version of fried French onions, and you should find them near the other salad fixings at your grocery store. They are incredible. If you’re making green bean casserole for Thanksgiving, mix a few into your toppings for a side dish.

I made a few minor changes – I use a shallot instead of a red onion and a little more pickle juice instead of vinegar. I recommend mixing the dressing separately so that the wasabi is evenly distributed without damaging your tuna. It feels like there’s a lot of stuff piled on top of a humble piece of fish, but after tasting it, I actually went back in and added more lemon, pickle juice, jalapeño chips, dill pickles, and, most importantly, more wasabi – I started with about a quarter teaspoon, but ended up adding a full teaspoon. (Note that you may want less if you are using real sushi leftovers from lunch.)

The end result is simply magnificent, the best tuna salad I have ever eaten, let alone made myself. It’s unconventional, but it hits exactly the right note. The crunch of the apple and the fried jalapeños, the sweetness of the agave, the cucumber punch. I wasn’t sure about the corn at all, but I have to admit, it works. I was worried the wasabi would take over, but it just balances everything out…almost. My only complaint is that the green peas occasionally stand out in an undesirable way. If you don’t like them, you can leave them out or replace them with celery without changing the overall appeal of the recipe.

As good as it was right away, after chilling for several hours it was spectacular. I felt like the rat in Ratatouille, passed out in my kitchen. And yes, the apple was still pristine thanks to the lemon and vinegar, although the crispy jalapeños lost some of their crunch. Consider adding these just before serving.

This tuna salad from my buddy, my buddy, my old college buddy Matthew McConaughey tickles me pink as David Wooderson’s jeans. I hope you go on your own shopping spree, and if it’s a dinner for four, use two cans of tuna; I went back briefly and ate a few more bites later. It’s high in protein, heart-healthy if you go easy on the mayonnaise, and contains both fruits and vegetables, so I’m sold as both a registered dietitian and an eater.

Speaking of old friends, when I think about it, part of the charm of his tuna salad is that it’s reminiscent of McConaughey’s favorite role, the lesser-known one as Deputy Buddy Deeds in “Lone Star” — it’s spicy, salty and complex, startling at first and just the thing if you want to look deep into the truth of what it means to be from here. And despite early appearances, it all makes sense in the end.

Except for the peas. I’m still not sure about that.