The annual Hawkeye Grievances 2024 Festivus broadcast

It’s time once again to continue such an old tradition. The air is crisp and cold, the kids are home from school, and the aluminum rod is proudly displayed in the family room window. That’s right, it’s a Festivus for the rest of us!

If you’re unfamiliar, let’s start by saying it’s not your fault – you’ve lived a sheltered life without proper forms of entertainment. But it’s not too late! The greatest sitcom about nothing ever created is available on Netflix for your viewing pleasure. So after we’re done with the feats of strength, come along and catch up on the 1997 episode called “The Strike.” In the meantime, here’s your crash course.

According to Wikipedia:

Festivus (/ˈfɛstɪvəs/) is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as an alternative to the pressure and commercialization of the Christmas season. The celebration of the non-commercial holiday as depicted on Seinfeldtakes place on December 23rd and includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole, practices such as “airing out grievances” and “feats of strength,” and the labeling of easily explainable events as “Festivus Miracles.”

Let this begin the annual voicing of grievances for the rest of us!

Image via alifemoments.com

JPinIC

In a typical year, I would be pounding away at the keyboard with more discomfort than you could shake a stick at. I’m a whiny, complaining old man who likes to scream at the clouds. I mean, I took on the task of telling you all my nonsense, didn’t I?

But this year life got the better of me. I’d like to spend 300 words lamenting my frustration that defenses are forgetting how to tackle hot trash teams like UCLA and Michigan once Iowa has some semblance of an offense under Tim Lester with a generational running back like Kaleb Johnson recognizes condition.

And not only did that cause the defense to collapse in those games, but they also contributed to Iowa missing the easiest schedule they’ll have in a couple of years and taking them away from perhaps their only chance held a playoff appearance of a lifetime.

I could say 2,000 words about my frustration with Iowa’s inability to compete in the transfer portal because we weren’t endowed with a billionaire benefactor like some of our brethren in the conference or even in the state. If I were really in the mood, I would spend my fair share of digital ink wagging my finger at all the fans of this university who would complain about the lack of success as much as I do and then scoff at the idea would like to contribute to Swarm, to actually make it better.

I could go on in circles for 400-500 words about the ups and downs of Iowa basketball. How they show flashes of the defensive intensity that would help Fran McCaffery finally get the Sweet Sixteen monkey off his back, but it seems like they can’t do it for more than a half to save their lives. How we finally get a truly dynamic, athletic winger and can’t keep him healthy enough to build any chemistry with the rest of the team.

In a typical year I could go on and on about my complaints. But this year life got the best of me. Between a newborn in April (and a series of doctor’s appointments for him in the months that followed) and three kids in the middle of youth sports (and when I say sports, I mean). all I was lucky enough to train for the majority of it in a job that makes it virtually impossible to create content between 7am and 6pm. My biggest sorrow is that I didn’t put in the time the community deserved.

I wish you and your loved ones a happy holiday – here’s to more time together in 2025.

SirNicholas33

I just wish Kirk Ferentz hadn’t hesitated so damn long about hiring an offensive coordinator. The announcement that Iowa would not retain Brian Ferentz came on October 30, 2023. His replacement was not officially announced until January 31, 2024. Hiring an offensive coordinator didn’t have to take this long. That decision prevented the offense from exploring better options in the quarterback room during the early transfer window, which had long since closed by the time Tim Lester was in the saddle. It prevented a true installation last spring when Iowa still had Deacon Hill at QB1 last spring.

Giving Lester time last winter might have avoided at least one loss this year. More time to explore the quarterback portal…it certainly saves the Iowa State game if Iowa has even minimally competent quarterback play.

Bart Pierce

Dear, Iowa football. I love you. They have brought me joy for decades. I love waving to the kids from my couch, singing the fight song after points, and drinking a cold drink after a win; As you know, after our time here, we can’t drink it anymore. Still, losses almost kill me. I know, I know. Perspective. Tell that to the person who doesn’t light a mid-to-late 1970s Hawkeye candle before every game (said candle holder is now an LED “candle” that sits on top of the Hawk candle). Tell that to the person whose son isn’t named Hayden. Tell that to the person who doesn’t have two identical tiger hawk tattoos because one isn’t enough. I’m not particularly sane when it comes to my Hawks. I expected 10-2 this year. I have no idea why we didn’t continue to give Kaleb Johnson the football when we dominated Iowa State. No idea how we got the best games out of Michigan State AND UCLA. Sigh… I love my Hawks, but I need more of them. And while I LOVE where Tim Lester is going with our offense without Kaleb in the bowl, I expect us to score zero offensive points in our bowl. Now get off my damn lawn.

GlendaleHawk

This was a strange fall for me, although I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because my youngest son (the only other football fan in the house) will graduate in May and won’t be at every Iowa game next fall, even though he’s only been really interested in football for a few years, so maybe not like that.

Maybe it’s because I’m starting to look older than I used to and it’s getting harder to lose the 10 pounds that creep in from overeating (and especially too much dessert) this time of year, but I mean, that’s it Golf hiking season here in the desert, and Garmin tells me my “fitness age” is younger than my actual age (although only by a year), so maybe it’s not that.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s because we were promised a functioning offense paired with a defense with eight starters and Levar Woods’ ever-great special teams unit and then we got, well, 8 wins against 4 losses, but more than that, knowing that 3 of those 4 defeats should have been victories. Yes, yes, I think it is.

I, like many Iowa fans, was skeptical about hiring Tim Lester for many reasons, but mostly because I had never really heard of him and “HC of WMU with a losing record” isn’t exactly “a big hit coming up.” ” screams. This attitude felt like a cop-out, or at least a form of “punking” by a man who had to be forced to fire his son because he couldn’t do the job he assigned him. While Ohio State brings in Chip Kelly to run their offense, we bring in a guy most Iowa fans have never heard of, jokes about us, Ferentz will get his revenge. Well, I’m happy to say I was wrong about that.

However, I still resent what often felt like Kirk putting his whole damn hand on the scales and forcing Lester to dictate the game, which felt like a major step backwards against teams we could have beaten (especially MSU, so many runs directly into a 9-10 man box just made me scream).

I’m also sad, like most if not all of you, that it took so damn long for Kirk to see what everyone else in the world already knew, that Cade was cooking, washing, running, etc. I get that Loyalty, Losing a starting job to injury is not a problem for me, in fact I can understand the whole “Cade could have gone anywhere but he chose us and we will honor our commitment”, as silly as that sentiment is may be this era of College football. What I can’t understand is starting someone who is clearly underperforming and claiming that he will give your team the best chance of winning a game when you yourself are pulling him in goal line situations and 4th and 1’s at the 50 . I know the backup QB is always the most popular player on the team and yes, we’ve been burned before, but Brendan Sullivan had two healthy, non-surgically repaired knees, a better arm than Cade and the ability to force defenses to do it , focusing on anything other than Kaleb Johnson and taking games (and a concussion) to force the move might be worse than leaving Deacon Hill out there over and over again last season.

My greatest sorrow, however, is that football season is nearing its end for another year and, with no particular NFL team affection, I will soon have very little to discuss with the strangers with whom I often play golf will have. All we are left with is a meaningless spectacle in a warm city against a “border rival” we don’t even think about. I think that hurts me too (especially since we lost two). potential commitments to them within a week). Let’s all hope this year’s Music City Bowl goes more like Insight and a little less like TaxSlayer.

Happy Holidays to everyone, have a good night and have fun FALKEN!!!

Now that we’ve got ours out of the way, it’s your turn, Georgie, boy! Let’s get these complaints out of the way here so we can move on to the feats of strength! Festivus isn’t over until you pin me!